Ah, narcissism—everyone has a little, don’t they? That small, perfectly natural desire to feel special and unique. But when this desire spirals into the full-blown theatrics of narcissistic personality disorder, things start to get…interesting. Destructive, sure. Exhausting, absolutely. But undeniably interesting, as anyone who has worked with—or, let’s be honest, for—such a leader can confirm.

For years, the traits of highly narcissistic leaders were rewarded in organizations. After all, what’s not to love about someone who oozes confidence, commands the room, and declares themselves indispensable? The problem is, in organizations that prioritize values, people, culture, or sustainability, this act doesn’t age well. The shelf life of a narcissistic leader is shrinking faster than a streaming show canceled after one season.

As an HR leader, I’ve had front-row seats to the corporate “Game of Thrones” played by narcissistic leaders. Honestly, if HBO or Netflix got hold of some of these real-life dramas, the ratings would skyrocket—and I’d be more than happy to help with the script. Feel free to reach out! The plots write themselves: grandiosity, backstabbing, and delusions of grandeur. But unlike fiction, the collateral damage in these battles is painfully real.

If you’ve ever worked with a narcissistic leader (and statistically, you probably have), I’ve shortlisted their greatest hits:

– Grandiosity galore: they inflate their achievements and talents like balloons at a kid’s party—oversized and full of hot air. In team meetings, they somehow manage to turn every discussion into an ode to themselves.

– Fantasies of grandeur: world domination? Check. Perfect adoration? Double check. The right parking spot and the shiniest car? Non-negotiable.

– “Special” status: only the elite can truly get them. If you’re not in their rarefied circle, don’t even bother.

– Admiration addiction: narcissists feed off your praise like vampires on a blood bank. Critique them, and suddenly you’re the villain of the story.

– Entitlement central: they deserve everything. Promotions, perks, applause—preferably all at once.

– Exploitation extraordinaire: they’ll take your ideas, your credit, maybe even your snacks. It’s all theirs now.

– Empathy vacuum: feelings? Needs? What are those?

– Envy as a weapon: they’re convinced the world envies them, and they’re not above using that “envy” to justify their antics.

– Arrogance on steroids: haughty attitudes and condescension are their signature moves.

– Self-centric reality: they believe the organization would crumble without their stellar leadership. (Spoiler alert: it won’t.)

Of course, dealing with narcissistic leaders can feel like navigating a minefield, but there’s a cheat code. It’s called DEEP, this method can help you survive dealing with a narcissist:

Defend? Don’t, don’t, don’t! Just don’t. Narcissists don’t care about your defense, and they’re not listening anyway.

Explain? No, no, no! Waste of time. They’ll twist your words into a pretzel faster than you can blink.

Engage? Nope. Feedback, guidance, or casual conversation—it all ends badly.

Personalize? Never. It is personal, of course. But their behavior is about them, not about you.

When dealing with a narcissistic leader, staying calm is your superpower. Set boundaries, protect your well-being, and refuse to take the bait. Above all, remind yourself: their drama is not your fault.

Is it easy?

Absolutely not.

But hey, navigating a narcissistic boss might just be the survival training you didn’t know you needed—and even though dealing with a narcissistic boss is always a major headache, you should always try to find something good in any situation, even if it’s just learning how not to lead.

Good luck!!!

Author: Barbara Gawior