We all possess a degree of narcissism, and we all have the desire to be recognized as unique individuals. It’s a natural human impulse. However, when this desire approaches the symptoms or traits of narcissistic personality disorder, it begins to have a destructive impact on others.
Unfortunately, for many years, the characteristics of highly narcissistic leaders have been rewarded within organizations. Surely, we’ve all encountered this type of leader in our professional lives. Yet, the “success” of narcissistic leaders is becoming increasingly short-lived, especially in organizations that emphasize values, people, organizational culture, or sustainability, among other things.
In my HR leadership experience, I am often an unwilling spectator of the “Game of Thrones” between organizational “leaders.” Very often, reality surpasses fiction, as if worthy of a Netflix series. In trying to help identify and prevent the destructive behavior of narcissistic leaders, it is crucial to recognize the behavioral tendencies exhibited by these individuals:
- They feel grandiose: They exaggerate their experience, achievements, and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior. In performance evaluations of their teams, they often talk about themselves, claiming credit for successes and praising their own expertise and knowledge.
- They dream of success, status, and power: In many cases, they also consider themselves irresistible. Their primary concerns often revolve around parking spaces, offices, or the type of car they drive.
- They believe they are “special” and unique: They feel they can only be understood by, or should associate with, other equally special or high-status individuals.
- They crave admiration: If you don’t admire them, you become the enemy.
- They feel entitled: They believe they are owed everything.
- They exploit others: They often abuse their teams, peers, or external collaborators, taking credit for their work and/or successes.
- They lack empathy: They are unwilling to acknowledge or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- They believe everyone envies them.
- They regularly display arrogant and haughty behavior or attitudes.
- The world turns around their “self,” and they are convinced that without their leadership, the organization cannot achieve its goals or function in any way.
But how can we deal with this type of leader to avoid conflict and continuous emotional abuse? There is a simple yet effective method when it comes to interacting with a narcissistic leader. Its acronym is DEEP.
- Defend: Don’t defend yourself. Ever. Narcissists aren’t listening.
- Explain: Don’t explain. Narcissists are so manipulative that they will distort your explanation.
- Engage: Don’t engage with them. Avoid giving feedback or guidance, and don’t even enter into conversation because, more often than not, it will end badly.
- Personalize: Don’t take it personally. This can be difficult to do because the narcissist’s behavior feels personal—and it is. It hurts and affects you emotionally.
Finally, when dealing with a narcissistic leader, the most important thing in any interaction is to stay calm, avoid impulsive reactions, maintain a positive attitude, set clear boundaries, nurture your well-being, and, above all, don’t allow yourself to be provoked.
Easier said than done….. but good luck anyway!
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